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But we planted the bomb, fool. No, you didn't! —Credit: Freepik/Creative Commons
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Terrorist: We have just bombed a market to avenge the military's operation against us.
Outraged Man: You are an animal!
Apologist: Gentlemen, gentlemen, please, this is serious.
Outraged Man: You animal, you slaughtered innocent people!
Apologist: No, he didn't.
Terrorist: Yes, we did.
Outraged Man: You heard him. He said he did.
Apologist: Well, yes and no.
Outraged Man: What do you mean?
Terrorist: Yes, what do you mean?
Apologist: Well, yes the bombing they did was a condemnable act, but they didn't do it.
Outraged Man: But he just said he did, and even you said 'the bombing they did ...'
Apologist: Okay, let me rephrase it. The bombing was a condemnable act done by the enemies of our faith and the country.
Terrorist: You calling me an enemy of faith?
Apologist: No, I'm calling those who planted the bomb, the enemy.
Terrorist: But we planted the bomb, fool.
Apologist: No, you didn't.
Outraged Man: But he just said that he did.
Apologist: Well, yes and no.
Outraged Man: Are you deaf?
Terrorist: Don't call him deaf, infidel.
Outraged Man: Oh, so now you agree with him?
Terrorist: I agree that he is not deaf.
Outraged Man: But he says you didn't bomb that market.
Terrorist: Yes, we did. And we shall carry out more such attacks!
Apologist: Our brother is angry ...
Outraged Man: He's not my brother! How can you call him your brother?
Apologist: Because he is. We have misunderstood him. We need to guide him back from the wrong course he has taken ...
Terrorist: The heck you do. You are the ones on the wrong course. We will destroy that course by bombing it out of existence, like we bombed that market.
Apologist: No, you didn't.
Outraged Man: But he just said he did. You are deaf!
Terrorist: Don't call him deaf. And yes, I said we bombed that market.
Apologist: Gentlemen, gentlemen, both of you are being used by our enemies.
Terrorist: You are our enemy!
Apologist (discreetly pointing at the Outraged Man and whispering): No, no, he ... he is your enemy.
Outraged Man: I heard that! You hypocrite!
Terrorist: Don't call him a hypocrite, you hypocrite. Only I can call him a hypocrite.
Outraged Man: You are the biggest hypocrite there is. A reptile ...
Apologist: Gentlemen, gentlemen, can the both of you just sit together like two good patriots and talk things out? Let's give peace a chance, shall we?
Outraged Man: How can one talk peace with people who are hell-bent on destroying everything in their path?
Terrorist: Yes, we do destroy, for the greater good of the faith and the ...
Outraged Man: Oh, please, spare us your ill-informed and vile nonsense, you reptile!
Terrorist: You infidel and stooges of the West ...!
Apologist: He has a point.
Outraged Man: What?
Apologist: We are fighting them on the behest of the West, aren't we?
Outraged Man: So you are saying it is okay for them to slaughter our civilians, cops, politicians and soldiers?
Apologist: No, no, this is not what I am saying. I am saying that terrorism in our country is due to us trying to fight a war that is not our own.
Outraged Man: So thus it is okay to indulge in shameless bloodbaths?
Apologist: Our brothers are not responsible for this ...
Terrorist: Yes, we are!
Apologist: No, you aren't!
Outraged Man: He just said he is, you ostrich.
Terrorist: Don't call him an ostrich, you dog!
Outraged Man: Dogs at least have emotions, unlike snakes ...
Terrorist: You infidels, I'll blow you all!
Apologist (discretely pointing towards the Outraged Man and whispering): Him, him ... he's the dog ...
Outraged Man: I saw that! You both are one and the same.
Apologist: We don't want war. We want peace. Right, misguided brother?
Terrorist: I want pieces. Pieces of those who are stopping our path towards attaining a pious state and ...
Outraged Man: Oh, so you want to build your pious state with the innocent pieces of men, women and children?
Terrorist: They are not innocent. None of you are!
Apologist: Gentlemen, gentlemen ...
Outraged Man: Oh, shut up!
Terrorist: Don't tell him to shut up ...
Outraged Man: I wasn't. I was telling you to shut up.
Apologist: Don't tell him to shut up ...
Terrorist: Shut up! I'm wearing a suicide vest, infidel!
Apologist: No, no, you're not.
Terrorist: Yes, I am. Here, see.
Apologist: No, you're not.
Outraged Man: But he just said he was. Can't you see it? Are you blind?
Terrorist: Don't call him blind.
Apologist: He was forced to wear one.
Outraged Man: Oh, so you agree that he is wearing one ...
Apologist: No, I said he was forced to.
Terrorist: No, I wasn't. Nobody forced me to.
Apologist: Yes, you were ...
Outraged Man: Oh, for heaven’s sake ...
Terrorist: Yes, that's it.
Outraged Man: What?
Apologist: Gentlemen, gentlemen ...
Outrage Man: Oh, shut up ...
Terrorist: I said do not tell him to shut up (Boom! He explodes himself).
Outraged Man: cough cough See ... I ... I ... told you, he was ... was ... was wearing one ...
Apologist: cough cough Well ... I guess, he was ... But ... cough ... I don't think he was one of us ... I think he was foreign ...
Outraged Man: But you called him a brother. Are you mad?
Terrorist: cough ... cough ... don't ... don't .... don't call him mad ... (Passes away).
Act 2 (A week later):
Apologist: He was a martyr.
Outraged Man: Oh, so now you are calling him a martyr. What about those he slaughtered?
Apologist: They are martyrs as well. At least some of them.
Outraged Man: How can that be?
Apologist: Well, you see ...
(An army man comes in): We have decided to launch a full scale operation against the terrorists. (He leaves).
Apologist: Hmmm. Anyway, so as I was saying, you see, these terrorists are animals, reptiles, brutes, and we should support the army in crushing them!
Outraged Man: Oh, now they are animals?
Apologist: Yes ... foreign funded ... like you.
Nadeem F. Paracha is a cultural critic and senior columnist for Dawn Newspaper and Dawn.com
He tweets @NadeemfParacha
He tweets @NadeemfParacha
The views expressed by this blogger and in the following reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.
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